It would be a lovelier world, indeed, if people tried to wear someone else's soul for a bit before showering them with words which might just hurt their very core.
People don't have to agree, but people do have to attempt to have some empathy for another's heart, don't they?
Don't apologize for your thoughts, and especially for the fact that you had the courage and conviction to shield your friend. Anyone who thinks that failing to stick up for a friend is "minding their own fucking business" doesn't understand friendship.
Steven Novak
· 2 years ago
Can't we all just get along? ;)
Steve~
Blessed
· 2 years ago
wow.
thru my eyes
· 2 years ago
OH LANEY, I feel very badly that my post caused a problem. You leaping to rescue me, when you thought I would be hurt, was a very sweet thing to do, you are my hero. I have told you all my personal thoughts on this issue and you know how vulnerable my heart is in this case. And Laney, I would expect no less, knowing you and how deeply you care about your friends, that you would jump in to protect me and spare my feelings. I think PM took what you said as an attack on his opinion rather than knowing you were trying to protect me. PM, If you read this, please know that I didn't take your opinion as anything more than it was, just your point of view and a valid point. You actually said things I had considered myself. But my friend, Laney, doesn't have a mean bone in her body, so I know for a fact, that she wasn't attacking you, she was protecting me. And that is my fault, as I have cried on her shoulder about this before. She knows where I am vulnerable. She knows this is something deeply rooted in me that causes problems for me at times. I have turned to her when I needed someone and I know she was afraid your words would hurt me. I would have probably leapt to her defense if the roles had been reversed. Laney and I seem to have a bond. I am sorry either of you had to feel bad over something I posted. You have both been good to me and it makes me feel terrible that there is a problem stemming from something I started. Elaine, I want you to know that you are my other half here in the blog world and I want to protect you too. I am sorry for all of this. Really sorry. I do not want you to apologize to anyone for anything. I think we all live different realities and those realities are what give us our point of view. I asked for opinions and I got them. And I am sorry a problem was caused. I love you Laney. Thanks for staying true to yourself and for caring about me. xo TME
rn_buffoon
· 2 years ago
I feel like being a dumbass Myself and not minding my own fucking business; and go right over to his site and give him a buffoon style serve of 'shut the fuck up'.
What a Complete Loser; and like all Losers they find they have to resort to insults. It's All they've got.
Besides, of course, small genitals.
I mean, this guy- is he even a parent? What the fuck does he even know about it?
rn_buffoon
· 2 years ago
I just tried to visit this guy's blog; apparently it's by special invitation only. Now There's an open book for you; someone who really knows how to wear their heart on their sleeve.
I'm sure he had nothing I wanted to read about anyway; I just wanted to prove to myself he was a loser.
And I like to think I'm an excellent judge of character :)
Ali
· 2 years ago
I have just spent the last hour reading this post and the comments, then TME's post and the comments there.
The issue is obviously one which has stirred a great many feelings in a great many people, and initially I have to admit that I thought maybe you were a little hard on PM, but then knowing you like I do, I know you would go to the ends of the earth to protect and support a friend. You are such a wonderful friend too. Like this week, you have been a tower of strength to me, not because I asked you to be there, you just knew I would need you there and I didn't have to ask.
TME's blog entry is a subject very close to my heart as my husband is adopted, and I hope that my comments don't upset either of you. Elaine, you know how I let my fingers run away with themselves when I start!!!! What I wrote, I wrote from the heart and from my own experience. I think some of PM's comments were valid, I just don't think he necessarily put them across in the right way and I don't think the issue is anything like as cut and dried as he made it out.
Laney, we all love you, and I agree, I don't think you deserved such harsh words either.
Hugs xx
kindabiz
· 2 years ago
everyone is entitled to express his or her own thoughts on such a sensitive subject.
agree or not ... at least we all have the platform to voice our honest thoughts and maybe after knowing all our options, TME would be able to understand what her heart really wants to do !
what each did was lend a supporting mind to TME and none was wrong, i believe.
but yes I do agree with Miss U, a birth mother and her son has probably the bond that is most sacred and Definitely no apology required to Anyone !
Miss Understood
· 2 years ago
Ted - Thank you. x I agree - the world would be a much nicer place if people just took a moment to think about what they were about to say before they said it. I don't think what I did was at all courageous...the people who know me would expect nothing less of me. If I'm angry, I'm feisty. Stubborn. And I've mentioned so many times before..I'm opinionated. People tell me sometimes that one of my nicest qualities is the way I will defend the ones I care about, but I know sometimes it gets me into trouble. Like now, for instance! I really didn't expect PM to react in the way he did...I'm still quite shocked that he took my initial comment so badly. But even in hindsight, I'd say it all again. If something matters to me, I need to speak out, regardless of the consequences. Thankyou Ted for your comment, and for your suport. xx
Steven - You make me smile! What a womderful world it would be if we could, eh? I don't claim to know you, but having read your blog (and your book) for quite some time now, I know you're not backwards in coming forwards. You have wrtten some of the most jaw-droppingly, unbelievable, cringeworthy sentences I think I have ever read! Thanks for stopping by. x
Fred - I just knew you'd be here, supporting me. Thank you for that. I know we both feel the same way about this, and both felt the same anger having read it. I'm not afraid to stand alone for my beliefs, but it means a lot that you took your time to come here and say what you did. Hugs Fred. x
Blessed - Wow indeed.
Cherrie
· 2 years ago
I must admit that I was unaware of all this till I came over here to read this entry. I first want to say to T.M.E. that I cannot imagine how difficult her situation must be, and how her emotions for her lost son must prey on her happiness and equanimity.
After I gave birth to my older daughter, I occupied a semi-private room with a young mother who was giving her newborn son up for adoption. Watching her hold her baby, and lovingly caress it, I could not imagine her ever letting him go. I did not know her circumstances, but it was all so needless and sad. And I wonder what anguish she goes through now when she remembers those brief, sun-kissed hours.
I think Passionate Man has a point, but he overstates his case. Both the birth mother and the adoptive parents deserve a role in the child's life. If the child responds to the birth parent's attempts to make amends, why shouldn't they try? We don't need to be slaves to the model man, woman and kids family to the point where a birth parent is permanently excluded.
His unkind words to you were uncalled for. Usually I am so proud of the people in Blogland for treating each other with compassion and care, even when they disagree. I'm sorry that the standard was not upheld here.
Miss Understood
· 2 years ago
TME - If you don't stop apologising, I'll be on the next flight out of here to kick your ass! Listen sweetie - I did write that coment in anger, and yes it was because I thought you would have been hurt by it. As it turns out, you weren't, and I'm so glad you weren't. But do you know what? He actually hurt my feelings too. You know how deeply I feel things...and some of PM's words ignited something in me which I couldn't shake off and forget about. I wrote my comment in support of you, in support of any other mother in the same situation, and because I'm incapable of turning my back and ignoring something which I disagee with. That is NOT your fault sweetie...it's mine. I know PM is your friend, as I am, and we just had a disagreement, that's all. I think we're both very headstrong and opinionated people, and we clashed. You're not to blame for that, so please don't feel bad, ok? I know PM did make some valid points in his comment, and said some things which you had already been thinking yourself. But those few little words "for what purpose" and "I can't imagine" were the ones which I couldn't let go. Thankyou so much for trying to ease the way and for trying to make PM understand me a little better...it was a very lovely, sweet thing to do, but you know you didn't have to do that. I'm sure PM would agree that the last thing we want is for you to hurt because of this. It's nothing more than a little heated debate for which, I hope, there will be no hard feelings. Hugs to you TME- for proving yet again what a truly wonderful woman and friend you are. xxx
Miss Understood
· 2 years ago
rn_buffoon - Oh dear....what am I gonna do with you, eh? Just when I was trying to keep it all nice and civil, lol. Passionate Man had a blog when I started outlast year and in fact I used to comment on his site in the early days. He came here a few times too, but I don't think we really clicked to be honest. There were no hard feelings or anything...we just stopped visiting each other. I wasn't aware that he had even closed his blog down until you mentioned it. As for your questions...I know he was married but not sure if he has children. As for the small genitals, lol, I do seem to recall some rather nice bedroom shots and I don't think he had an issue with that! I want to say a big thanks for supporting me today...it really does mean a lot to me. I'm kind of biting my tongue here because just as PM was abusive to me in his email, every bone in my body wants to be just as abusve back. But I've managed to contain it. I really have been trying to focus on the point itself in an adult way... but having said all of that, how can I possibly do anything other than thank you? You've just done what I myself did...reacted to a comment, in the way you saw fit. And you supported me...so for that I am truly grateful. xx
Miss Understood
· 2 years ago
Ali - I've been over to TME's and read your comment there. You wrote it so beautifully, that there is no way anybody could be even slightly offended by that. I was so sorry to hear about G's struggle with this...the situation really is too complex for there to be just one answer or opinion. So many different lives are affected by adoption and it was wonderful, yet sad, to hear your experience of it. Ali...I hope you know that as my friend, I don't expect you to agree with everything I believe in. PM was right when he said that a real friend will be honest. I know though, because of the lovely person you are, that you will always voice your opinion with respect. And I apreciate that.
Thanks for commenting Ali...and know...today of all days, that I'm sending you all of my love and holding you tight. Take yourself down to the woods girl...you may see my spirit behind those trees. xxx
thru my eyes
· 2 years ago
MISS U, Don't worry about me in this. Turns out PM doesn't want anything to do with me. I made him upset too. Which I feel very badly about. I really hate that something I wrote is hurting people, especially you. I seem to get myself into more trouble with this blog thing than I ever have been in my entire life. I hope today is a better day for you. I am thinking of you. xo TME
Miss Understood
· 2 years ago
Kindabiz - Thankyou for your comment today. You are right, we are all entitled to voice our opinions and it would be ludicrous to expect everybody to agree with each other all of the time. There are no words to describe the bond between a mother and her child. The feeling of having a baby grow within you for 9 months...and then to give birth to that child, is something which no one, unless they had experienced it themselves, could ever imagine. It does surprise me though, that there are people in this world who can't even begin to try to understand.
Cherrie - What a fantastic point you just made. Sometimes I wish I had your intelligence, and your way with words. People are not possessions. They are not 'owned'. And as we all know, the human heart is capable of loving many people at once. If we open up our hearts to love another, we don't let go of the ones we already love. As a mother, I only want the best for my child. His happiness is the most important thing in my life. If I was his adoptive mother, and not his birth mother, I am sure I would feel exactly the same way. If having a relationship with his birth mother brought him happiness, how could I possibly deny him that or feel saddened by it? A love for a child is unconditional, and as an adult, I would know his love for her would never alter or taint his love for me. I am, of course speaking with no experience of that situation, but I think I know myself well enough to warrant saying that.
It saddened me too that those words were written by PM. It's one thing having a disagreement about something, but resorting to nastiness was hurtful and uncalled for...especially when written. We've all said things in the heat of the moment and regretted it, but to type it out...which takes time...and to hit 'enter', I really think it was intentional. Thankyou Cherrie for your comment. I do appreciate it. xx
Miss Understood
· 2 years ago
TME - I have spent the past couple of hours replying to comments here...really taking my time to make sure no one would be offended by what I wrote. When I got to rn_buffoons comment, it would have been so easy for me to laugh and agree with her...to add fuel to the fire. That was my gut instinct...that's what I wanted to do. I wasn't proud of that fact, but even putting this issue aside, I had/still have my reasons for wanting to yell at him. But I didn't. I did what I thought was the right thing so that this debate didn't escalate, and so that PM, if he was reading, would know I still have it within me to be civil to him, regardless of my feelings towards him. I think, in a round about way, I actually defended him at one point and paid him a bloody compliment.
Having read what you just wrote, I am absolutely gobsmacked. I'm appalled. Angry as hell, and completely stunned.
He wants nothing more to do with you? Serously?
Only yesterday, he wrote this:
"After all this time and her wonderful friendship, the last thing I'd do is try to hurt her."
TME - I don't know how long I can refrain from opening my bloody mouth.
I'm sorry...I really am...if you have lost a friend over this. But do you know what? If he can walk away from you that easily, over something as minscule as a disagreement with me over a comment, then he was never the friend you thought he was. No real friend would ever do that sweetie. Not one. You have done nothing wrong in any of this, other than try to be supportive of us both.
If you had said to me that you disagreed with me...that you were angry with me for what I said in my comment to him...then I'd have still stood by it, but I would have apologised to you. Even if you told me I was completely out of order, I would NEVER walk away from you. You are my friend and I love you. End of. I cannot believe he has done that to you.
I have a whole lot of things I really want to say...and all of them aren't very nice...
Please, please, please know that you aren't to blame for any of this. Nothing YOU wrote hurt anybody. Can everyone just email TME and tell her, because I'm not sure she believes me.
Listen sweetie...if PM can't handle the fact that you're trying to be a friend to us both...then that is his problem, not yours. It's his downfall.
This news just sums up what has been boiling in my stomach for the past few days. He is totally insensitive, TME, and a whole lot more besides.
I said to Ted in my first reply that even in hindsight, I'd still react to PM's comment in the way that I did. But for once in my life, I wish I'd kept my big mouth shut. I'm so sorry it's come to this, I really am. xxx
Leigh
· 2 years ago
Wow I would almost think that he would owe you that pulic apolgy after his last comment. That was just mean. Wow not very creative either. I don't understand mean hurtful personal words.
I think you should offer him a stool Miss U. Have a great day.
the big one
· 2 years ago
Just read all this, and feel a bit like what blessed said: o wow
I know its a tangled subject, one in which people are bound to have different opinions, and after everything that's already been said here shant bother to throw my two cents in, but...he kind of went off the deep end, didn't he? On all fronts.
What he did was just plain abusive, and so sorry you had to be on the receiving end of that.
And know you are feeling bad over the whole thing, but if he could dump TME as a friend after what she wrote, then you said it yourself, that's his problem, and suspect you may have done her a favor.
Hugs x
Miss Understood
· 2 years ago
Leigh - Hi honey. Thankyou for coming by today and leaving your comment. Somehow, I don't think PM will be interested in talking to me about this now...he's obviously very angry and upset by everything which has gone on. It's a shame, because it really needn't have gone this far. I don't undserstand why he has turned his back on TME...I wish I had that answer. I think I'm unlikely to get it though. Hugs to you Leigh...xx
The Big One - Yep...Oh wow. I really appreciate your comment on this one, not only as my friend, but in a professional capacity too. It doesn't feel like I've done TME a favour -I feel pretty terrible to be honest - but I do know what you mean. Thank you so much for your opinion on this - it's comforting to know that of all people, I have your support. I know you'd tell me otherwise if you disagreed. Hugs x
Kristen
· 2 years ago
WOW.
I just don't know what to say to this.
The mean words were uncalled for that's a fact.
I admire you for sticking up for yourself and your friend.
Darfuria
· 2 years ago
Agreeing with both points of view, to an extent.
He had no right to say those things publically without explaination.
You had no right to criticise his opinion and confront him about his thoughts when they weren't directed at you or to you via the person involved.
Ali
· 2 years ago
Thanks for holding me tight, just don't let go I may fall. Am off to visit him shortly, feeling a bit numb to be honest. May go and find that wood afterwards, or maybe the clifftop to scream. Then I might go and buy a couple of reams of paper, and a huge box of pens.
Thx Laney, just for being you and being here, today. x
Mike
· 2 years ago
After reading all this I don't think I can add anything that hasn't already been said, but I would however like to share a story with you about a good friend of mine.
He was working in another country at the time. It was about 8 years ago when he was 30 years old. He had an unexpected phone call from his Mum telling him he'd better come home as there were things he needed to know. So he got the first flight home he could. His Mum then started to tell him that she had split up with his Dad, and she thought he should know he was never his true Dad (This was also news to the poor bloke who thought he was his son). It turned out his real Dad lived 10 miles away, and the poor bugger didn't even know he'd got a son because my friend's Mum had told him the baby wasn't his, and in any case, she'd given the baby up for adoption.
Things have worked out well since then. He hasn't forgiven his Mum for all the lies and deceit, but he has struck up a great relationship with his real Dad. At least now, he knows the truth.
Miss U, I'm sorry for using your comments to share one of my stories, but I thought it was sort of relevant in a round about way. Have I broken any secret unwritten blogging rules here?
Miss U, PM didn't get mad at me over your disagreement. He thought I made a comment that was disrespectful to him. I think it was this part of the comment that upset him. "But Honey, you have to see that I gave birth to this boy. He grew in my body and nothing can make me feel totally seperated from a child I gave birth too. It is a strange and deep connection I can't explain but I certainly feel and there feels like there is an obligation to make sure he is ok and loved. Now that doesn't necessarily mean I will search him out but the need and desire feel strong in me. But I really do not want to cause my son or his REAL family any trouble." He thought I was saying he couldn't understand a relationship between a mother and son because he was a man and never gave birth. That was never what I meant. BUT I am completely sorry he took that as a disrespectful comment. I hate when my words hurt someone. I have done that before here in the blog world. Writen things that have hurt others and each time I was surprised that I had done it. Writing is difficult for me and I do not always realize the that I have not made my intent clear. I guess I didn't make myself clear about this in my last comment here and I didn't want you or your readers to think that it was anything you said that made him react that way to me. My intent was to tell you not to worry about my relationship with him as he no longer wanted one with me. I am sorry that anyone was hurt in this at all. I am going to try to learn a lesson in all of this. Words can do damage. There is power in them. This is my last comment her on this. I just wanted to make what I said last night clear to those who read here and to you my wonderful friend. Laney, I am so sorry you had to be hurt in any way at all. Love you, TME
Miss Understood
· 2 years ago
Kristen - Thanks. x
Darfuria - I appreciate your opinion, and even though you don't agree with me on this, you know how very proud I am that you are strong, independent, and not afraid to speak your mind. Wonder where you get that from? xx
Ali - You have just managed to put all of this into perspective for me. Here we are, squabbling over this, and there you are.....
Feel that hug Ali, all day long. xxx
Miss Understood
· 2 years ago
Mike - There are no secret rules here...you can share your stories whenever you like. x
What a terrible one though. It does seem she did it out of anger, which is awful. I can't imagine what he must have gone through. I'm glad he got to know his Dad though. x
TME - Well I said a similar thing up above to kindabiz: There are no words to describe the bond between a mother and her child. The feeling of having a baby grow within you for 9 months...and then to give birth to that child, is something which no one, unless they had experienced it themselves, could ever imagine.
Even if you didn't intend your words to mean the same as mine, there is nothing at all disrespectful about saying that. If PM said "you can't ever imagine what it's like to be kicked in the nuts unless you have some yourself", I wouldn't take that as him being disrespectful to me!Its the god's honest truth!
Sweetie - there was nothing at all wrong with your words. They were not disrespectful in any way, shape or form. They guy has a problem and it isn't your fault, ok? I swear to you...EVEN if he did perceive them as that...is that good enough reason to turn his back on a special friend?
You're right. I think this has been all talked out now. I love you TME, and I'm sorry for all of this too. x
Suck Me
· 2 years ago
Miss U ((((((((((huggies)))))))))) :-)
RobynB
· 2 years ago
Laney, I admire you for taking up for a dear friend. Everything else aside, you didn't want anyone to hurt her and you reacted as a protective friend.
That's a gift more precious than gold.
Lots of love and big hugs to you my sweet, wonderful friend.
Shelly Rayedeane
· 2 years ago
Okay. Call me stupid. But has anyone considered the fact (or even asked) if this so-called PASSIONATE MAN was adopted as a child?
Perhaps there are more issues here than what can be seen with the naked eye.
I often find that someone who says harsh words to others rarely has issues with other people. It is usually due to some issue within themself.
I'm sorry about the harsh words that were said to you Miss U. You're absolutely right. Nobody deserves that.
However, I urge you to think about it for a minute. (Because I know you overanalyze stuff like I do. lol.)
Maybe, just maybe, PASSIONATE MAN has other issues. And those issues and the unresolved anger might have absolutely nothing to do with you.
And if his problems are to do with you, then tell him to fuck off and let it go.
After all, bitterness never really hurts others as much as it hurts the soul which feels the emotion in the first place.
*Hugs to you* xoxoxoxoxox
Green Eyes
· 2 years ago
Miss and TME, you two are women that I respect and adore. Miss, you shouldn't have apologized and I'm glad you commented back to him and more glad that you posted this.
What I've learned in the last month is this: Blogland is a great place, but the people here are normal everyday people. Some of them are hurtful, some of them are here to use people for their own gain, with no thought for your feelings. I really don't want to say anymore (that was a personal comment not directed toward PM).
I think my point is simple: I love you both and I think that your friendship is wonderful. Keep supporting each other and protecting one another. I think this is one of those times when I just can't express myself the way I mean to...sorry...
Miss Understood
· 2 years ago
Art - Happy Thursday back at ya!
SM - Aww, thanks for that. x
Robyn - Hi sweetie. Thats what friends are for, aren't they. And I'd be there for her...for you...for any of my friends. xx
Shelly - You can probably imagine how much I have analysed this! Short of reading everything backwards, I've looked at it from every angle.
I don't think PM is adopted (although I can't be sure on that.) He and TME were friends, so I'm sure he would have said something if that were the case. I just think that for some reason he feels very angry, threatened and disrespected when people don't agree with him, or when things get said which HE doesn't agree with. Perhaps he needs to feel validated? I don't know shelly...it would be wrong to summise, but I agree that something deeper is at play. Thanks for commenting. Hugs to you. x
GE - I think you expressed yourself perfectly, and I agree with every word you said. I've certainly come across a few hurtful and even devious people in the past. It's just a shame that this all happened in the shadow of TME's pain. Hugs to you GE. x
Kitty
· 2 years ago
I'm sorry you were attacked after giving what passionate man states "is an honest opinion".
I thought yours was also an honest opinion, just not one he wanted to hear.
I too feel he has underlying issues to email you privately asking for a public appology after he called you names.
As far as him telling you to mind his own business, if the shoe fits, wear it, maybe someone needs to tell him to mind his own fucking business. A man could never understand what a woman would feel in this situation.
Richard
· 2 years ago
If you must apologize, feel free to use the official "apology form" on my site. just make a couple of small changes.
All Comments
People don't have to agree, but people do have to attempt to have some empathy for another's heart, don't they?
Don't apologize for your thoughts, and especially for the fact that you had the courage and conviction to shield your friend. Anyone who thinks that failing to stick up for a friend is "minding their own fucking business" doesn't understand friendship.
Steve~
Elaine, I want you to know that you are my other half here in the blog world and I want to protect you too. I am sorry for all of this. Really sorry. I do not want you to apologize to anyone for anything. I think we all live different realities and those realities are what give us our point of view. I asked for opinions and I got them. And I am sorry a problem was caused.
I love you Laney. Thanks for staying true to yourself and for caring about me.
xo
TME
What a Complete Loser; and like all Losers they find they have to resort to insults. It's All they've got.
Besides, of course, small genitals.
I mean, this guy- is he even a parent? What the fuck does he even know about it?
I'm sure he had nothing I wanted to read about anyway; I just wanted to prove to myself he was a loser.
And I like to think I'm an excellent judge of character :)
The issue is obviously one which has stirred a great many feelings in a great many people, and initially I have to admit that I thought maybe you were a little hard on PM, but then knowing you like I do, I know you would go to the ends of the earth to protect and support a friend. You are such a wonderful friend too. Like this week, you have been a tower of strength to me, not because I asked you to be there, you just knew I would need you there and I didn't have to ask.
TME's blog entry is a subject very close to my heart as my husband is adopted, and I hope that my comments don't upset either of you. Elaine, you know how I let my fingers run away with themselves when I start!!!! What I wrote, I wrote from the heart and from my own experience. I think some of PM's comments were valid, I just don't think he necessarily put them across in the right way and I don't think the issue is anything like as cut and dried as he made it out.
Laney, we all love you, and I agree, I don't think you deserved such harsh words either.
Hugs xx
agree or not ... at least we all have the platform to voice our honest thoughts and maybe after knowing all our options, TME would be able to understand what her heart really wants to do !
what each did was lend a supporting mind to TME and none was wrong, i believe.
but yes I do agree with Miss U, a birth mother and her son has probably the bond that is most sacred and Definitely no apology required to Anyone !
I agree - the world would be a much nicer place if people just took a moment to think about what they were about to say before they said it.
I don't think what I did was at all courageous...the people who know me would expect nothing less of me. If I'm angry, I'm feisty. Stubborn. And I've mentioned so many times before..I'm opinionated. People tell me sometimes that one of my nicest qualities is the way I will defend the ones I care about, but I know sometimes it gets me into trouble. Like now, for instance! I really didn't expect PM to react in the way he did...I'm still quite shocked that he took my initial comment so badly. But even in hindsight, I'd say it all again. If something matters to me, I need to speak out, regardless of the consequences. Thankyou Ted for your comment, and for your suport. xx
Steven - You make me smile! What a womderful world it would be if we could, eh?
I don't claim to know you, but having read your blog (and your book) for quite some time now, I know you're not backwards in coming forwards. You have wrtten some of the most jaw-droppingly, unbelievable, cringeworthy sentences I think I have ever read! Thanks for stopping by. x
Fred - I just knew you'd be here, supporting me. Thank you for that. I know we both feel the same way about this, and both felt the same anger having read it. I'm not afraid to stand alone for my beliefs, but it means a lot that you took your time to come here and say what you did. Hugs Fred. x
Blessed - Wow indeed.
After I gave birth to my older daughter, I occupied a semi-private room with a young mother who was giving her newborn son up for adoption. Watching her hold her baby, and lovingly caress it, I could not imagine her ever letting him go. I did not know her circumstances, but it was all so needless and sad. And I wonder what anguish she goes through now when she remembers those brief, sun-kissed hours.
I think Passionate Man has a point, but he overstates his case. Both the birth mother and the adoptive parents deserve a role in the child's life. If the child responds to the birth parent's attempts to make amends, why shouldn't they try? We don't need to be slaves to the model man, woman and kids family to the point where a birth parent is permanently excluded.
His unkind words to you were uncalled for. Usually I am so proud of the people in Blogland for treating each other with compassion and care, even when they disagree. I'm sorry that the standard was not upheld here.
Listen sweetie - I did write that coment in anger, and yes it was because I thought you would have been hurt by it. As it turns out, you weren't, and I'm so glad you weren't. But do you know what? He actually hurt my feelings too. You know how deeply I feel things...and some of PM's words ignited something in me which I couldn't shake off and forget about. I wrote my comment in support of you, in support of any other mother in the same situation, and because I'm incapable of turning my back and ignoring something which I disagee with. That is NOT your fault sweetie...it's mine. I know PM is your friend, as I am, and we just had a disagreement, that's all. I think we're both very headstrong and opinionated people, and we clashed. You're not to blame for that, so please don't feel bad, ok? I know PM did make some valid points in his comment, and said some things which you had already been thinking yourself. But those few little words "for what purpose" and "I can't imagine" were the ones which I couldn't let go.
Thankyou so much for trying to ease the way and for trying to make PM understand me a little better...it was a very lovely, sweet thing to do, but you know you didn't have to do that.
I'm sure PM would agree that the last thing we want is for you to hurt because of this. It's nothing more than a little heated debate for which, I hope, there will be no hard feelings.
Hugs to you TME- for proving yet again what a truly wonderful woman and friend you are. xxx
Passionate Man had a blog when I started outlast year and in fact I used to comment on his site in the early days. He came here a few times too, but I don't think we really clicked to be honest. There were no hard feelings or anything...we just stopped visiting each other. I wasn't aware that he had even closed his blog down until you mentioned it.
As for your questions...I know he was married but not sure if he has children. As for the small genitals, lol, I do seem to recall some rather nice bedroom shots and I don't think he had an issue with that!
I want to say a big thanks for supporting me today...it really does mean a lot to me. I'm kind of biting my tongue here because just as PM was abusive to me in his email, every bone in my body wants to be just as abusve back. But I've managed to contain it. I really have been trying to focus on the point itself in an adult way...
but having said all of that, how can I possibly do anything other than thank you? You've just done what I myself did...reacted to a comment, in the way you saw fit. And you supported me...so for that I am truly grateful. xx
I was so sorry to hear about G's struggle with this...the situation really is too complex for there to be just one answer or opinion. So many different lives are affected by adoption and it was wonderful, yet sad, to hear your experience of it.
Ali...I hope you know that as my friend, I don't expect you to agree with everything I believe in. PM was right when he said that a real friend will be honest. I know though, because of the lovely person you are, that you will always voice your opinion with respect. And I apreciate that.
Thanks for commenting Ali...and know...today of all days, that I'm sending you all of my love and holding you tight. Take yourself down to the woods girl...you may see my spirit behind those trees. xxx
I hope today is a better day for you. I am thinking of you.
xo
TME
There are no words to describe the bond between a mother and her child. The feeling of having a baby grow within you for 9 months...and then to give birth to that child, is something which no one, unless they had experienced it themselves, could ever imagine. It does surprise me though, that there are people in this world who can't even begin to try to understand.
Cherrie - What a fantastic point you just made. Sometimes I wish I had your intelligence, and your way with words.
People are not possessions. They are not 'owned'. And as we all know, the human heart is capable of loving many people at once. If we open up our hearts to love another, we don't let go of the ones we already love. As a mother, I only want the best for my child. His happiness is the most important thing in my life. If I was his adoptive mother, and not his birth mother, I am sure I would feel exactly the same way. If having a relationship with his birth mother brought him happiness, how could I possibly deny him that or feel saddened by it? A love for a child is unconditional, and as an adult, I would know his love for her would never alter or taint his love for me. I am, of course speaking with no experience of that situation, but I think I know myself well enough to warrant saying that.
It saddened me too that those words were written by PM. It's one thing having a disagreement about something, but resorting to nastiness was hurtful and uncalled for...especially when written. We've all said things in the heat of the moment and regretted it, but to type it out...which takes time...and to hit 'enter', I really think it was intentional.
Thankyou Cherrie for your comment. I do appreciate it. xx
Having read what you just wrote, I am absolutely gobsmacked. I'm appalled. Angry as hell, and completely stunned.
He wants nothing more to do with you? Serously?
Only yesterday, he wrote this:
"After all this time and her wonderful friendship, the last thing I'd do is try to hurt her."
TME - I don't know how long I can refrain from opening my bloody mouth.
I'm sorry...I really am...if you have lost a friend over this. But do you know what? If he can walk away from you that easily, over something as minscule as a disagreement with me over a comment, then he was never the friend you thought he was. No real friend would ever do that sweetie. Not one. You have done nothing wrong in any of this, other than try to be supportive of us both.
If you had said to me that you disagreed with me...that you were angry with me for what I said in my comment to him...then I'd have still stood by it, but I would have apologised to you. Even if you told me I was completely out of order, I would NEVER walk away from you. You are my friend and I love you. End of. I cannot believe he has done that to you.
I have a whole lot of things I really want to say...and all of them aren't very nice...
Please, please, please know that you aren't to blame for any of this. Nothing YOU wrote hurt anybody. Can everyone just email TME and tell her, because I'm not sure she believes me.
Listen sweetie...if PM can't handle the fact that you're trying to be a friend to us both...then that is his problem, not yours. It's his downfall.
This news just sums up what has been boiling in my stomach for the past few days. He is totally insensitive, TME, and a whole lot more besides.
I said to Ted in my first reply that even in hindsight, I'd still react to PM's comment in the way that I did. But for once in my life, I wish I'd kept my big mouth shut. I'm so sorry it's come to this, I really am. xxx
I think you should offer him a stool Miss U. Have a great day.
I know its a tangled subject, one in which people are bound to have different opinions, and after everything that's already been said here shant bother to throw my two cents in, but...he kind of went off the deep end, didn't he? On all fronts.
What he did was just plain abusive, and so sorry you had to be on the receiving end of that.
And know you are feeling bad over the whole thing, but if he could dump TME as a friend after what she wrote, then you said it yourself, that's his problem, and suspect you may have done her a favor.
Hugs x
Somehow, I don't think PM will be interested in talking to me about this now...he's obviously very angry and upset by everything which has gone on. It's a shame, because it really needn't have gone this far. I don't undserstand why he has turned his back on TME...I wish I had that answer. I think I'm unlikely to get it though. Hugs to you Leigh...xx
The Big One - Yep...Oh wow.
I really appreciate your comment on this one, not only as my friend, but in a professional capacity too. It doesn't feel like I've done TME a favour -I feel pretty terrible to be honest - but I do know what you mean. Thank you so much for your opinion on this - it's comforting to know that of all people, I have your support. I know you'd tell me otherwise if you disagreed. Hugs x
I just don't know what to say to this.
The mean words were uncalled for that's a fact.
I admire you for sticking up for yourself and your friend.
He had no right to say those things publically without explaination.
You had no right to criticise his opinion and confront him about his thoughts when they weren't directed at you or to you via the person involved.
Thx Laney, just for being you and being here, today. x
He was working in another country at the time. It was about 8 years ago when he was 30 years old. He had an unexpected phone call from his Mum telling him he'd better come home as there were things he needed to know. So he got the first flight home he could. His Mum then started to tell him that she had split up with his Dad, and she thought he should know he was never his true Dad (This was also news to the poor bloke who thought he was his son). It turned out his real Dad lived 10 miles away, and the poor bugger didn't even know he'd got a son because my friend's Mum had told him the baby wasn't his, and in any case, she'd given the baby up for adoption.
Things have worked out well since then. He hasn't forgiven his Mum for all the lies and deceit, but he has struck up a great relationship with his real Dad. At least now, he knows the truth.
Miss U, I'm sorry for using your comments to share one of my stories, but I thought it was sort of relevant in a round about way. Have I broken any secret unwritten blogging rules here?
I think it was this part of the comment that upset him.
"But Honey, you have to see that I gave birth to this boy. He grew in my body and nothing can make me feel totally seperated from a child I gave birth too. It is a strange and deep connection I can't explain but I certainly feel and there feels like there is an obligation to make sure he is ok and loved. Now that doesn't necessarily mean I will search him out but the need and desire feel strong in me. But I really do not want to cause my son or his REAL family any trouble."
He thought I was saying he couldn't understand a relationship between a mother and son because he was a man and never gave birth. That was never what I meant. BUT I am completely sorry he took that as a disrespectful comment. I hate when my words hurt someone. I have done that before here in the blog world. Writen things that have hurt others and each time I was surprised that I had done it. Writing is difficult for me and I do not always realize the that I have not made my intent clear.
I guess I didn't make myself clear about this in my last comment here and I didn't want you or your readers to think that it was anything you said that made him react that way to me. My intent was to tell you not to worry about my relationship with him as he no longer wanted one with me.
I am sorry that anyone was hurt in this at all.
I am going to try to learn a lesson in all of this. Words can do damage. There is power in them.
This is my last comment her on this. I just wanted to make what I said last night clear to those who read here and to you my wonderful friend.
Laney, I am so sorry you had to be hurt in any way at all.
Love you,
TME
Darfuria - I appreciate your opinion, and even though you don't agree with me on this, you know how very proud I am that you are strong, independent, and not afraid to speak your mind.
Wonder where you get that from? xx
Ali - You have just managed to put all of this into perspective for me. Here we are, squabbling over this, and there you are.....
Feel that hug Ali, all day long. xxx
What a terrible one though. It does seem she did it out of anger, which is awful. I can't imagine what he must have gone through. I'm glad he got to know his Dad though. x
TME - Well I said a similar thing up above to kindabiz:
There are no words to describe the bond between a mother and her child. The feeling of having a baby grow within you for 9 months...and then to give birth to that child, is something which no one, unless they had experienced it themselves, could ever imagine.
Even if you didn't intend your words to mean the same as mine, there is nothing at all disrespectful about saying that. If PM said "you can't ever imagine what it's like to be kicked in the nuts unless you have some yourself", I wouldn't take that as him being disrespectful to me!Its the god's honest truth!
Sweetie - there was nothing at all wrong with your words. They were not disrespectful in any way, shape or form. They guy has a problem and it isn't your fault, ok? I swear to you...EVEN if he did perceive them as that...is that good enough reason to turn his back on a special friend?
You're right. I think this has been all talked out now. I love you TME, and I'm sorry for all of this too. x
That's a gift more precious than gold.
Lots of love and big hugs to you my sweet, wonderful friend.
Perhaps there are more issues here than what can be seen with the naked eye.
I often find that someone who says harsh words to others rarely has issues with other people. It is usually due to some issue within themself.
I'm sorry about the harsh words that were said to you Miss U. You're absolutely right. Nobody deserves that.
However, I urge you to think about it for a minute. (Because I know you overanalyze stuff like I do. lol.)
Maybe, just maybe, PASSIONATE MAN has other issues. And those issues and the unresolved anger might have absolutely nothing to do with you.
And if his problems are to do with you, then tell him to fuck off and let it go.
After all, bitterness never really hurts others as much as it hurts the soul which feels the emotion in the first place.
*Hugs to you* xoxoxoxoxox
What I've learned in the last month is this: Blogland is a great place, but the people here are normal everyday people. Some of them are hurtful, some of them are here to use people for their own gain, with no thought for your feelings. I really don't want to say anymore (that was a personal comment not directed toward PM).
I think my point is simple: I love you both and I think that your friendship is wonderful. Keep supporting each other and protecting one another. I think this is one of those times when I just can't express myself the way I mean to...sorry...
SM - Aww, thanks for that. x
Robyn - Hi sweetie. Thats what friends are for, aren't they. And I'd be there for her...for you...for any of my friends. xx
Shelly - You can probably imagine how much I have analysed this! Short of reading everything backwards, I've looked at it from every angle.
I don't think PM is adopted (although I can't be sure on that.) He and TME were friends, so I'm sure he would have said something if that were the case.
I just think that for some reason he feels very angry, threatened and disrespected when people don't agree with him, or when things get said which HE doesn't agree with. Perhaps he needs to feel validated? I don't know shelly...it would be wrong to summise, but I agree that something deeper is at play. Thanks for commenting. Hugs to you. x
GE - I think you expressed yourself perfectly, and I agree with every word you said. I've certainly come across a few hurtful and even devious people in the past. It's just a shame that this all happened in the shadow of TME's pain.
Hugs to you GE. x
I thought yours was also an honest opinion, just not one he wanted to hear.
I too feel he has underlying issues to email you privately asking for a public appology after he called you names.
As far as him telling you to mind his own business, if the shoe fits, wear it, maybe someone needs to tell him to mind his own fucking business. A man could never understand what a woman would feel in this situation.